You never really put much thought in interracial relationships until you find yourself in one. That is where you realize that it is actually a different world altogether. Your race and cultural background play one of the biggest, if not the ultimate part of your upbringing as a being. Whether you realized it earlier or not, it is an inevitable identity you carry along throughout your journey in life. Upon meeting someone you term as a special role in your personal life, your identities are interchanged and accepted, and sometimes, compromise is meant to be achieved at this stage.
In a situation where you end up with a partner that has completely different values, beliefs, ideas, culture and even a different language, unlike poles begin to attract-literally. The fun part about interracial relationships is the fact that it is a completely different learning process, an unforgettable experience and mostly comes with a refreshing spontaneity. However, like every other relationship, it has two sides to its coin, both of which cannot be taken lightly.
Although it may seem unpopular, interracial relationships have increased over the years. And while society may have diluted some rigid directions concerning this type of relationship (a marriage of this sort was literally illegal in many places), there is still a lot to be discussed.
You should keep in mind that, this type of bond falls in the ‘go hard or go home’ category. So, it shouldn’t come as a surprise when your interracial couple friends tell you they called it quits after just three weeks of meeting each other or when they invite you to their tenth wedding anniversary party.
WHY THEY FAIL TOO HARD
A lot of the stereotypes and perceptions that speculate obviously influence our thoughts about certain people, whether we like it or not. So when we luckily meet someone from that part of the world we only see on screens, our minds are psyched to experiment or to view this as a phase, a fling, and that means that the relationship definitely has an expiry date. I read an article about a girl that travelled to Spain only to fall in love with a young prince charming in Granada. Stereotypically, Spanish men love to have a good time, also in their ever so popular bars on every street corner andshe fell victim to one guy who met her in a bar, exuberantly ready to have a ‘fling’ with an American newbie in Spain, she thought she had fallen in love. Who wouldn’t? She was in the country of affection. Biracial (half black, half white) girl, Lisa, recounts her experience with all her dates with white guys. She had just decided to keep her hair natural, so you should visualize her woe when she is being met on every single date with ‘I love your hair’. This obviously seems like an innocent compliment until she was once told by an extremely honest and curious date who said he really wondered how good she will be in bed, like he had heard. Especially dark skinned girls that choose to cut their hair or go natural, are perceived to be particularly aggressive in bed. From these instances you can see that the reason why the Spanish guy dated his American belle was for the pride of dating someone from the American race and the white guy only wanted to satisfy his curiosity. They were both not in for the long run, it was just a fling to them. Interracial relationships that are seen as just a fling are really sweet in the start then gradually die down to nothing. Once you agree to ‘chill’ either officially or unofficially, the passion fire that backs the desire is stronger than any you may ever experience, and the romance is mind blowing. But once that desire gradually dies down, (because at this point you are more like a nuisance than a lover) then it is time to go your separate ways. Unlike in the opposite relationship where couples are from the same race, the process of break up from flings in interracial relationships is extremely fast and the relationship lasts shorter than expected.
Dating someone else from another race; is it really such a big deal? But that’s how everyone else sees it. If people don’t ask some pretty weird questions, then I don’t think you are an interracial couple yet. Although these questions might seem really innocent in the ears of the speaker, it usually has deeper and darker implications to the interracial couple.
Someone might ask- ‘how does your family feel about this relationship?’ This question on the outside seems harmless but it is a lot more complicated than you think. For Chris sakes! Did you really want them to say, oh they are in full support….? So don’t ask if you don’t intend to listen to a day long conversation. However, there are instances where family will stick by a couple’s side, but don’t get your hopes up yet. Acceptance is one of the biggest struggles of many interracial couples. They can only wish that others, especially their family, can see what they see in their partner, but if only wishes were horses…….
‘He/she is a [race]! You know what they say about [race], you aren’t worried at all?’ Stereotypes are not always true. In plain English, they are misconceptions! No one needs such negative energy in their lives and it really sucks to be reminded that this is how the outside world thinks about your spouse which is really not even true. Not every African American man ends up in jail, not all Chinese men have little penises, not all African men are violent and unromantic, not all Japanese men are emotionally unavailable, not all Mexican men cheat on their wives, not all British men have terrible teeth or live in London, not all American men are arrogant and love to boast about their economy or any economy for that matter, not all Caribbean men love to smoke. It’s not cool when people point out a stereotype or that of your partner’s to your faces, not cool!
‘Wouldn’t it be much easier to date your own race?’
No matter how honest this may seem, it sounds a bit too racist. What this implies is that by dating your own race, you wouldn’t have to go through all the stress in dating another race and that means that all the viable dating prospects from other races should be cut off, because they have to be cut off!
‘Think about your children. Aren’t you concerned that they will be bullied? Do you really want them to deal with all that racism out there? What if they lose their identity, not knowing which race to belong? Think about how they will look like, how they will start acting like the people from [race]’
No one wants the worst for their kids. And to be honest, one of the most beautiful looking kids in the world are biracial- their special kind of skin, their eyes, and all the other features that truly make them unique. Every interracial couple hopes for interesting, extraordinary, deep thinking, charismatic and adventurous children in a loving home.
‘Don’t people stare at you when you go out on dates?’
Of course, that is bound to happen once people notice that this is an unusual relationship, sometimes without meaning to, and that’s okay.
Making a long story very short, interracial relationships come with a whole lot of controversies and so much stress to handle, from family and friends all the way to the embassy (if you intend taking it that far). Once you call him/her yours, it doesn’t end there; you are compelled to explain to everyone else why you chose this path because you can never control what others think and when all that stress becomes too much to handle and you finally decide that this hard work is not made for you, you break off. Time to find an easier fish to catch….
Until you understand as an interracial couple that the differences you possess should not tear you apart but rather create an unbreakable bondage, your love affair is doomed. Arguments are a commonality in every relationship, but multiply the frequency of arguments in a mono-racial relationship by two and you have the frequency of arguments in an interracial relationship. Sometimes, the tear up does not only come from outside influence, but the couple itself and arguments are the fastest way to get there. Considering your differences, it is only natural that the way you view things and your types of upbringing vary. If a compromise is not reached or ways to avoid such clashes are not adopted, your home may turn into the deepest part of hell before you realize it.
WHY THEY GROW TOO STRONG
One language that interracial couples communicate better than probably any other bond is the language of love. What do you do when people judge you and pass rude comments? Let love lead. What do you do when you don’t understand each other sometimes? Let love lead. What do you do when everyone including loved ones give you a hard time? Let love lead. What consists of a good relationship is you and your partner, no one else. Color and race should not be a matter as long as you respect each other and treat each other right. Those judgmental people only give you an opportunity to prove that you are a strong couple that can make it through the negativity. Once an interracial union graduates from just friendship and liking each other to a much stronger bond, then you should definitely be expecting a 10th year wedding anniversary party soon, because unlike the others, this bond goes through so much obstacles and growth that once overcome, creates an unbreakable amalgamation.
Interracial couples become ever strong because they learn to deafen their ears. The earlier you realize that the outside bullshit really does not reap any good outcomes, the better and stronger the relationship. In every single relationship in this world, there will always be that one person that will disapprove and talk you out of it; be it a friend or family or a coworker. Not everyone is going to be 100% supportive, and that may stem from the fact that you possess what they may never have. So instead of rambling to outsiders about all the latest updates in your relationship and having to listen to their garbage about how to navigate your own love life, keep your mouth shut and your ears closed! Once an interracial couple accepts that dirty laundry does not belong anywhere but in the laundry basket, they are bound to last much longer.
Before you go into an interracial relationship you must have sat yourself down to fully assess your capabilities. Do you have the strength, courage, tenacity, and patience to deal with the issues that being in an interracial relationship poses? Can you deal with the criticism from your family? If you family is accepting, can you deal with the disdain from the public? What about your co-workers? Do you have it in you to be an “educator” or a “token” of diversity?
You would want to know what your main purpose for indulging in an interracial relationship is –an interracial love that has an expiration date or one that will stand the test of time.
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