It was all about sleepless nights and a weird sense of loneliness turning me into a chronic insomniac. Nothing, I stress, nothing could make me feel good. Neither my favorite food nor my best friends, nothing could help get over this feeling of worthlessness and no one could fill that strange void in my life about a couple of years ago. I didn’t know what dreams looked like as it was all a sheer nightmare. I had this thirst to cry every now and then, I would search for a place to breakdown as I knew it was just me who could comfort myself, with the help of bursting out all the tears.
Fear accompanied me everywhere, the fear of darkness, the fear of loneliness, the fear of breaking apart but simultaneously I couldn’t live without all of these. Only a single person who was way too far from me and had not the slightest knowledge that I’m delving deep in depression could comfort me. I had no courage to express myself and my pain in front of him over text; and that further added to the devastation. I knew I was helpless, I cannot do anything since I was in sort of bondage. I was trapped in this vicious circle of self-consumption. I felt like some dark forces were feasting on my dreaded soul.
I knew I had to find a way out and pull myself out of this or else I might not be able to live longer. I prayed, I started concentrating on stuff that made me delighted- the music, the good people, my grandfather, who loves me to bits, my friends who cracked all the nonsense jokes that’d just tickle the funnybones. Wherever I felt this sense of positivity and if it could make me smile, I use to get myself stuck up there, as that was the only option I had to escape from the darkness. I met new people, few with full of passion and happiness and goals in their life as It inspired me like no other. I realized my goals and aims in life are far more important than sitting at the corner weeping like a baby.
Yes, it was difficult! Trust me, you’d surely feel like your world is falling apart, but when you’re in the healing process, the good people and you yourself would pull you out of that catastrophe and one day, the world would seem all new and bright to you.
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