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You know we have idiots, morons, assholes but above all, there is this reigning champion known as ‘Uber Romantic Couples’.
I know you wanna abuse and call me names because you think I am behaving like a jerk by targeting your Ishq, Mohabbat and Pyar but guess what?

I DON’T CARE!


Today, this forever single soul has taken the oath in front of our deity ‘Zakir Khan’, that he will raise his voice against your cringy, irksome and displeasing PDA aka Public Display Of Affection (more like Public Display Of Annoyance).
Ok, first things first, I am not jealous of your relationship; it’s just that watching you get all cozy and stuff makes my heart break into thousand pieces. I start wondering if I’d ever get this sort of moment where my hormones oxytocin and dopamine will burst out like molten lava.
I mean, I do understand that when you are in a relationship, you want a piece of your partner every freaking time (in Layman language: tharak badh jaati hai) but atleast do it behind closed doors. Why do you need to sprinkle salt on my burnt heart with all your kooochiekoo-poopiiepooo, like WHY? Itna zameer bhi maat maaro apna bhai!


You keep on posting those alluring lovey-dovey pictures with your partner and get all sorts of happy reactions whereas when I post a rib-tickling joke, I hardly get a shout-out; WHY? Tumhara ‘Mine’ caption mere well-structured political joke se acchaa kaise hai, kaise?
I mean, you guys were already enjoying life and annoying the shit outta me in real life and now you want to become a social celeb as well. I mean it is great that you were having a bad day and your partner sent you some good food, the gesture is really sweet but why is it necessary for you to post a picture of that and write stuff like: ‘Was feeling low, Boo sent me this’, And what the fuck is this boo thing? You do realize that you have crossed the cringe level of ‘The Kapil Sharma Show’ with the invention of this term, right?


Oh, and what happens to your ovaries/dicky-picky when you travel in a metro? For God Sake, my eyes are prone to notice the ‘things’ that you do to each other and trust me, it is a sight that I do not want to see even at my death-bed, so spare me the horror and please realize ki metro ka token aur logon ne bhi lia hai!


As I am writing this, another couple in my office has started their Raasleela, please just STAAHHHHHPPPPP!!!!!
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- Shivam
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