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If I were to become an everyday product, I think I will be a CHAIR. I think I can relate to this product the most.
What? How do I relate to it?
Well, see, a chair is made for people to lay their asses and sit comfortably; this is its core work, right? But what it is used for?
- A base for a pile of clothes
- Throwing and hitting your arch rivals (parliamentary joke done right)
- Ahh…. some people use it for some ‘wild night’ (don’t see me with such judgemental gaze; I am still a ‘hand’some guy)
In the same way, I am made to just ‘MTV and chill’ (Cannot afford Netflix, GAREEB LEVEL: 101) but what I am made to do is go to work and take life seriously. Taking things seriously, SERIOUSLY? We live in India, alright!
So, now you understand why ‘CHAIR’ is my spirit animal. Now, since I have become a product, I need to go guns out to advertise it so that it sells more, otherwise, the product would face losses and my makers would be compelled to take a loan and flee the country. *evil laugh heeeeehahahahaha*
So, I will be promoting myself as a chair which is so advanced that it can change its specifications according to your mood. Firstly, I will design a very APPEALING packaging for me, my packaging will showcase a bikini-clad playboy model holding me and giving the sultriest expression ever. Yea, I know the bikini-clad model has nothing to do with the product but then I am Bollywood fan, so, you know. *sigh*
Then, comes the laborious task of finding an eye-catchy tagline because a product without a tagline is like Arnab Goswami’s talks – Pointless!
So, to allure the audience, a tagline is must and after a lot of brainstorming, my marketing team settled on this ecstatic tagline – “A CHAIR that CARES (because it knows no one else does it for you)” *DARD LAUNCHER*
The next leg of promotions will include commercials to be made on the following concepts because as they say, jo dikhta hai wo bikta hai :-
1). If you are a bachelor who is tired of finding more space to throw away your stinking clothes and stale pizzas, ‘WONDER CHAIR’ is just what you need, the miraculous product discerns your irked mood and expands itself to make space for your COAT and your langotiya yaar’s LANGOT. Now, feel free to make a pile of clothes as grand as Sanjay Leela Bhansali’s sets.
2). If you want to break bad and become the Walter White of the political arena, ‘WONDER CHAIR’ helps you achieve your dream. The moment someone yells at you in the parliament, the chair detects your aggression and alters itself to make the corners pointed so that when you throw the chair at someone, that person gets a mark on his head. Trust me; he will never forget the taste of your wrath. POLITICAL ORGASM ATTAINED!
After these extensive promotional strategies, I will go ahead and collaborate with a big digital giant like Lopscoop to arrange a Giveaway where I will be given to lucky winners to use me for free as it is been a tradition of my life, I have never been appreciated unless people used my pros for free. *Karan Johar’s melancholic tunes play in the background*
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- Shivam
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